There is a course of things to happen and  it is well known that one day everything will make sense, that all that cord of events, all tangled now will be fathomed out, given a reason to be and not one piece, not one mistake, not one decision will be left out of that unknown, mysterious plan that we are all supposedly yet to see.

Meanwhile, in the mind the heart shuts, the eyes look with concern, the mouth speaks of deceit and distrust, the hands grope for the trap, the feet try to keep up, the books are meant to be read in between the lines to reveal the hidden, secret plan.

Inside, the spirit falls for the shallow, the sights seem to be fake, the muscles are weak and the words have no weight.

Outside, the meat is to eat, the eyes are to see, the water is to drink and the words to be an act. You'd better do instead of think; you'd better say instead of feel.

In you, the clocks go one way and in me... I don't know and I never cared.

In you, the sights have no meaning and the words are meant to be believed, the darkness is used to sleep.
In me, the sights are enriching, the deeds for believing, the eyes for observing and darkness the perfect moment to think.

The world comes and goes, you say. And I say that it just goes to never return. The world, you say that it changes and turns, that I never know. The world I see it never changes, it stays the same and I know there is no other way, that you live in a different world, that I come from under and you from above, that you have wings and I just have useless skills.

You want to help me and I want to help you. I think you are different and you think that I'm wrong.

How can we speak when the words we use are the same but they take separate turns?
How can you see this what I am seeing that for me is worthless and for you is priceless?
How can you speak of the truth to me when I feel like you've lied to me?
How can I explain myself when you think it's all been figured out?
How can I possibly trust someone from another part with a clashing view, with unusual voice, and contrasting eyes?
How could we speak of love when I live in the present and in my thoughts and you speak only of the better future and trust the unknown?

Well, my beloved stranger, my dear John Doe the truth is that one day, as some say, it will all make sense
and the pieces of the puzzle you will place to see the whole picture, to see it was only a mirror that the world turned in an unpredictible curve sharp enough to join every piece with undeniable lure.

You and me, we, are only ignorants, blind people walking around with eyes folded to believe we can see
the things that we feel. You and me, we, think we walk in one direction but we only walk around in circles
with views which don't change, they stay the same only that we look at different times of the day.

One day, we might change our course, take another stream and realize that we were doing the same things
at the same time, having the same dreams.

This world will not stop, will not stop for me, will not stop for you, we just have to stop for a while together
to be aware of the moment, of the second we smile, so that it would be contagious, so that the heart beats
and doesn't shut, so that the mouth speaks and the brain doesn't judge, so that I can see for a little while
that the pieces of the puzzle do have a place and a time, that our sweaty hands touch, that the path was right, that it's never easy, it was tough.

They say it will all make sense one day. I only wonder when, as my reason lacks the patience and my muscles lack the strength. They say I just need to wait, that that day will show. Meanwhile, I just see, think and breathe and do and act and feel, waiting for that moment anxiously to see how it all will fit.

Some people in my life

I have travelled around more or less 10 countries... I have seen so many different things, I have heard a lot of stories, I have met loads of people.

I have had what sometimes I think are the strangest thoughts and felt the most ridiculous, extreme and intense feelings. I have started and ended different projects.

I have met a lot of wonderful wonderful people, I have had extraordinary conversations, I have spotted the differences and similarities between me and them, I have listened to their accents and I have shared my life with them. Wonderful people are all around. 

Every time I travelled, of course, I meet a lot of people. Most of their names and faces will be lost in my skull, taken away by time. I will remember their stories but not their voices, I will confuse the colour of their eyes after some time, I will not be sure where I met them or what country they were from and what they were doing there. I will not know if they had families, if they were only children or had brothers and sisters, I will not remember what they did for a living.

I will sure know that they were kind, fun or shy. I will remember that I had a good time somewhere, that I helped them with something, that they helped me with something or that they said something I identified with.

Wonderful and beautiful people all over the lands, in different colours, with different accents, with different reasons for their travels and unique lessons for their lives.

People happen all the time, they happened so much in this trip around Perú and the North of Chile.

I realized how I always want to keep all these people in my life after I meet them. It happened when I went to Europe, it happened again when I went to the US. I talked and shared with people, humans of all kinds and it was hard for me to let them go out of my life, I wanted to keep them as friends, I always struggled with the idea of letting them go. Or letting them stay actually, as I am the one leaving all the time. 

This time, in the early 2013, I was aware that they were not meant to stay. 

Europeans, Gringos, Asians, Australians, Muslims, Atheists, Agnostics, all of them were just meant to happen that one day, or that week, or that moment. They are not for me to keep or to stay, they will go away, they will follow a different path. And I love them the time they appear in my life and say the things I will remember later. But then they go, and I go too but in a different direction. And I wish them the best and hope I see them somewhere and some day again in life. And they do the same.

I am greateful for travelling and for all these people on the way.

To all of you I want to say thanks amd that I hope you achieved your goals. If you haven't, I hope you're still trying, and if you've failed I hope you have new aims or that you get up soon and keep going. Because I really want to see you again.

PS: If I see you again and I don't remember your name or where you're from, forgive me. I am sure I will remember your story though.

These are just a few of the awesome, new and different people I met in my trip to Perú. 

At the bar with Russian Mariska, Chinese Julian and Canadian Josh.

Inca Jungle group to Machu Picchu: Aussies Patrick, Reece and Daniel and our tour guide Elver AKA "Chavo"

The group with the Slovak newlyweds Agnes and Tommy

In Huacachina with the amazing Peruvian girls from the agency and Swiss Frederich , the rasta.

In Las Cuevas of Arica with gringo Mike and Canadian Liam.

In Cusco, at Mamma Africa, with Steven from Perú and Clay, whom I had met in the US and happened to be in Cusco at the same time!

In Arequipa with Michel "the Dutch Machine" and Brent from Canada (he did the "coca cola canyon")

At the market in Arequipa with two amazing Europeans: Margo from Hungary and Mathias from Germany.

In the hostel with Pan, from Taiwan. Hilarious Asian! 

Machu Picchu

After three weeks of travelling with my best friend and seeing and doing a lot of different things, I am back home. Home. And finally I have time to think and reflect on every marvellous and almost miraculous thing I lived. 

Right after dawn in Machu Picchu

I climbed up to Machu Picchu, pretty awesome I must say, and there I realized how much I hate my Spanish blood. Killer blood. Murder blood. Apart from that, being up there, around 2400 metres above sea level, got me to sort of write a line across history and see that my aims are so small and easy to reach, that my life is more shallow than I like it to be. I loved it up there, surrounded by greens and browns and winds. Of course they were one of the most amazing cultures ever. Of course they were destroyed. Not only they killed almost every Inca in Perú and Sudamerica, they didn't even bother to preserve or to learn the knowledge of the land they had, the cosmo vision of the world they had, so sad. 

And the Spaniards kept on ruining the Inca Sacred Temple of Machu Picchu till the 70s. Yes, 1970s. What a fucked up world we live in sometimes, ah?

Having said all this, and having expressed my hate for the Spaniards, Machu Picchu was a mind blowing experience that I will never forget. And I hate to admit it, my friends didn't notice, I cried when I got there. Because, believe me: after 4 days in the jungle, hiking up and down mountains, getting bitten by mosquitos, going through the most ridiculuos feelings (when I walk for so long in such areas I start thinking about things that I avoid most times) and stepping the Inca stairs up to Machu Picchu, whether you like it or not, you might want to cry. Of joy. (I am very emotional, I know...) I probably felt all that what happened years ago, all the things that were going on on such mountains, so sacred, so imposing, so magnificent and spiritual. All that, the Spaniards couldn't kill. Decades and decades later, I could still feel it. It was not magical, on the contrary, it was very real. 

Just chilling

When the tour thing ended and we had all that time to walk around and to see and admire the place, we got to the top and just sat there. I guess none of the three of us wanted to say a word. They wouldn't do justice. I think no one can describe it, the ones that have been there know what I am talking about. I just sat there and there was no thought in mind, my eyes were so busy, my body just relaxed and my soul was not in me any more, it was out there dancing in the remains, in the mountains and in the river, flying in such a blue sunny sky.

I don't know. It was out of this world.

I had been to other places but I never felt anything like it. So real. Free. Light.

No wonder why it's one of the seven wonders. It should be a human right to visit Machu Picchu in one's life.

The whole experience of getting there is undescribable, it took us 4 days, we walked some of the real Inca trail and being immersed in such nature was pretty impactful to me. The city seems to be a robot now, the nature's the human. No make up, no clothes. So beautiful. It felt more like me in a way, I felt more comfortable, and while plunged into the jungle or the rain forest I couldn't help to face some things of life, my personal life, you know, the sappy I usually write on my other blog. 

To sum it up, Machu Picchu was a complete experience for the body, the mind and the soul. And no. It cannot be compared to anything, that is why everybody should just do it.

Cata, Marie y yo

About travelling

May all travellers find happiness wherever they go.

Without any effort may they accomplish whatever they set out to do.

And having safely returned to the shore may they be joyfully reunited with their relatives.

 

 

Hurricane 2012

This year, I had 4 first days of work, I visited many different cities I had never been to, I met my new nephew and my new niece.

Plus, this year, which is finishing today, I felt loneliness deeply. Like never before. Weird, as the family grows.

This year, I fell in love.

I met a new friend, one incredibly kind person, the owner of one of the biggest hearts I have ever known.

This year I came back home after a travel and realised that once you leave, it's never the same again. When I was back, my sister was a mother, my older brother was a father again. And that put a lot of things in perspective to me.

This year I drove a car for the first time, I tried different foods, I saw a little person learn to walk and talk, I read 2 books that blew my mind like it hadn't happened in years. I water-skied and took a cruise.

I remembered how much I like to dance and swim, I learned that I like hiking and that there are views worth seeing all around, sometimes I even found that view in the mirror and some other times in people's eyes. I learned that I was born very far away from a lot of things and that I have to try hard every time I have a dream. I learnt that I am a big dreamer and that that can be both good and bad. I learned that I need to learn about balance. I learned that nothing can be balanced never.

I experienced kindness like never before, I was the receiver of kindness from the heart, altruistic kindness from altruistic hearts. I wonder how many people can say that.

I think that I had never spent so much time alone with myself. I learned the good and the bad about me again, and I still like and dislike the same parts of me. Again, this year, I couldn't find any balance when it comes to feelings. I can only be balanced with the things that I do.

I went through the same doubts that I have gone through throughout my entire life.

I learnt that the world can be so small for some things, but big enough to forget and forgive.

I saw how the things change their perspectives, I saw how people don't change, I saw temporary truths becoming future lies. I realised how rich my culture is, how important is to be away to see the real things, to appreaciate my roots. And that is sad to say, but it's the truth. I learnt that I prefer that people miss me than having them sick and tired of me. It's good to be away.

I felt disappointment again, I felt grace again, I felt love and disgust for people, I felt the cycle of life again. The same factors in a different order.

I came to the conclusion that living and dying are the same concept hiding behind a different word. It will just depend on which word I choose to use.

I understood that is not bad to want to be alone. Only that it's hard for people to understand that.

This year, I officially acknowledged myself as a traveller. And I don't want to stop. I want to see more, to live more and have less reasons to die unhappy, I want to meet more people, to experience more different things and foods and points of view. I wanna hear about what people have read, I wanna listen to horrible bands playing live, I wanna have a beer in the most common bars, I wanna see my best friends and feel the time, the age, the blood running through our veins, the same old shit that we enjoy to talk about. I want to fix the world.

This year, I admit that I can be so selfish... that I truly choose not to care about others sometimes.

I saw how charming I can be and how cold I can feel at times.

This year, I loved the world more than any other year in my life, I loved everything that's in it, all it gives and it shows me every day. I learnt that I need to be more grateful, more aware, more intelligent and more indifferent, I will start to be more humble.

In 2012 I finally understood the concept of trust. Also, the strange and foreign word "hope". 

I think I can have more control over things, maybe I like it that I cannot control stuff sometimes, but I will leave that for next year to give it a thought. This year was the year of learning and teaching from a different perspective, I taught my language and culture abroad, and back in my country I taught language and culture but also showed my own life and I saw how interesting my stories are, how funny my life is, how rich my family is, how happy I can be, how cycles do repeat, how common everybody is, how special everybody think they are, how beautiful that is. This year I felt more like a student, a learner, an observer of my own mistakes and actions. I let more things happen.

One cool 2012-thing: I wrote a lot and became closer to my writing again. Another cool 2012 thing was that I came to the realization that I LOVE MY JOB. I love being a teacher and I loved my students, both the little ones and the adults. I learn so much when teaching. Thanks for that, 2012.  

This year felt so free.

I also saw how life can resemble a movie at times, without the happy endings, an independent movie that is.

Life showed me again that everything is complicated and simple at the same, that there is a beautiful chaos out there waiting  for me to be tamed, that there are a lot of knots in me that I need to untangle and there are a lot of places IN me that I need to see.

2012 you were the year of the outside world, and I am grateful for such a wonderful year full of violent contrasts, I guess I will never learn enough, my brain is too small to catch all the lessons, to read all that is in between the lines, I am not good with hints whatsoever. Eventhough I have an open mind, I belong to a more practical way of things.

This year was one hell of a practical year, a lot of things were done and seen and experienced. I loved you, 2012. You were magnificent, you were imposing, you are a year that I will talk about for the rest of my life probably. You were like 2 years in 1 year and you felt incredibly short and intense. You were full of things that I will need years to size up and reflect on. You were a year that put me back to my place, I always knew I was strong, I had fogotten how fragile and weak I also am. You reminded me what a human I am, full of dumb complications, confused and needy.

All that time alone brought memories of my teenage years: I saw how much I like being with myself. How rich my inner world is. How enriching it was. I really miss me now that I write this.

2012, it's hard to let you go. You are my favourite year so far... the way you started was loving, friendly, movie-like, you took my breath away with your first months. You were a dreamy year.

There is one thing in mind when I make all this remembering: love. You brought me love. Loads. You brought me friends and kind people into my life. But you balanced it with the bitter things to remind me how things are never what we want. Well, I never know what I want.

I know one thing: I want to be closer to my friends... the ones here in my homeland and the ones abroad, from all the different continents.



Eventhough my last days of you have been more grey than I'd like them to be, when I think back about it all, I know it was an outstanding year, full of different colours and tastes. Maybe you gave me more than I could handle and that is why I end you this way, with this feeling that I can't really... I think it's fear.

I don't want you to end, because I feel like I know you so well. But you have to go, it's like everything in life. What starts, ends.

Thanks for all the high ups and the usual downs. Thanks for what you have given and for what you have taken.

You raised the bar for all the coming years, which I hope are many to come and count.